On a walk to Blackstone Edge

Rogers favourite walking moans

Roger enjoying volcanoes and lava fields in Iceland

I measure the quality of a walk based on the number of my moans. Tony organises the walks and whether he gets coffee and cake at the end is reliant on my moan rate . Lets have a look at the possibilities:
1. Nasty dogs

A mad dog

My postman was badly mauled by a dog which was in the garden and jumped the wall to attack him. I have nothing against dog owners walking their dogs on a lead. Its the ones who say just before it goes for your throat ' he is only being friendly'. So my strategy as they advance towards me is to say 'I bet he is only going to be friendly' which puts them on the back foot.
2. Bulls and herds of cattle

A bull getting ready to charge

Having been chased by a bull in my youth and constantly hearing about people being trampled to death while out walking I have a bit of a phobia. We looked it up and believe it or not its called Bovinenaphobia. My strategy with this one is to try and convince the other two to go a different route or to walk on the inside so they are trampled first.
3. Fly Tipping

 THIS MAKES ME MAD!
Why do the morons drive to a beautiful remote spot to dump their stuff when it would have been easier to take it to the tip.
4. Bracken

 

Everyone knows that hiding in tall Bracken are Ticks eager to suck your blood while giving you a deadly virus which will render you useless for years to come and ruin your life. Luckily for us Tony has a  Tick remover which he says he will use to remove the Tick unless it is in a sensitive position in which case we will have to do it with the aid of a mirror.

5.Thick mud

Sometimes Tony's routes takes us through thick mud which impedes your progress, fills up your boots and is especially difficult if you are going uphill or downhill. The only satisfaction I get is leaving a lot of it in the foot well of his car which is now not possible because he has bought a new one of which he is overly protective.

6. Blocked Footpaths

There are two ways in which footpaths can be blocked and this is the first.

 The second is like this:

Landowners are doing this because they know that cash strapped councils cannot afford to take them to court.

7. Very steep slopes

OK I hear you say you are supposed to be a walker! Yes, but I like Tony to organise my gradients in a particular way -UP UP UP-LEVEL LEVEL LEVEL-DOWN DOWN DOWN. Any other order is unacceptable and can damage my mental wellbeing.

So that's it ,luckily for Tony there have only been two 7 moan walks.